For the love of BOOB!

I always knew I wanted to breastfeed my children. It seems like the most natural thing to do -- God made me capable of nursing my daughter, so I should use the gifts he gave me, right? I mean, it is the easiest food for the baby to digest; it is healthiest for the baby; it is the healthiest way for me to get back in shape; and it is free! Plus I never have to worry about carrying around formula, and the time spent nursing forms a great bond between me and Rachel.

But no one ever really tells you how difficult breastfeeding can be. The pain is minimal really, but in the first few weeks thus far, I feel like I am in a constant cycle of feeding her. Every 2-3 hours, I feed Rachel for 30-45 minutes, leaving the time in between feedings for those daily tasks like cleaning, eating, showering, sleeping, using the bathroom... Then it is back to feeding her and waiting for her to fall asleep again.

Add to that the issue of Rachel refusing any form of pacifier other than mommy. So whenever she is fussy, even if she isn't hungry, I whip out my boob to comfort her. Rachel will occasionally take a bottle, but if she isn't hungry, I am the only one who can console her. I am the one who has to get up with Rachel during the night. Duane has tried to help whenever possible, but until I have enough expressed milk stored up and until I go back to work, it just makes more sense for me to get up with her so he can get his rest.

So it is becoming easier for me to understand why some people formula-feed their children and why some women give up on breastfeeding because of the challenges it presents.


But this morning, I woke up when Rachel stirred. I was already leaking all over my nightshirt (another fun aspect of breastfeeding), so I scooped her up and laid her in bed next to me. As I nursed her, and we laid face to face (or as close as you can get with someone who is less than 2 feet tall), she cooed in delight and drifted off to sleep. So I dozed next to her and enjoyed the intimate time with my daughter. When I nurse her, it gives me a chance to look at her, and my heart swells unconditionally. Occasionally she opens her big eyes and watches me as she eats, and she looks at me adoringly.


Breastfeeding is hard. I may not be able to nurse her as long as I would like. But every time I get frustrated, I think about that little angel watching me as she nurses. I think of that adoring look in her eyes and the fact that nursing her benefits us both in so many ways. And thinking about all this helps me get through one more day of nursing. With each day I get through, the next is a little more routine and a little easier...and I start to really cherish the time I spend nourishing my daughter with the gift God gave me.


A little bit of (short-lived) playtime for Rachel!