Pic Post

Normally I have something to talk about in a blog and I like to highlight it with pictures, but not too much has happened lately. So instead of blathering on about something for this blog as an excuse to post these pictures, I am just going to post them. There are a couple funny leftovers from Christmas, and then I took some on Saturday of this big girl perfecting her sitting skills.

The only real change is what I call "the face." It is this new face Rachel gets, and the funny thing about it is that when she is wearing the face, I can't tell whether she is excited or irritated until she starts "talking."

Busy Bees!

There isn't much to update on my life or Rachel's, because we haven't done much together and I have spent the last week and a half working more than I honestly should. Every year in January, the reprint world falls to pieces and I spend a lot of time putting it all back together. I have had tremendous help, but I am mentally exhausted!

So I get home just in time to feed Rachel dinner, bathe her, and put her to bed. She has not responded well to my absence. Even though Duane is doing a great job with her while I am working, and I appreciate that more than I could ever describe here, her mood is anxious and irritable. That could be partly because her teeth are bothering her again, but she doesn't like when I am in the room and not holding her these days.

So for the update part of the blog, you have to read a lot of "Duane says" statements. Even though she isn't 7 months yet, here is the latest news:

• Duane says Rachel crawled backward in her crib! Quite the accomplishment, I think.


• Duane worked a lot with Rachel on sitting last week, and she can pretty much stay in a seated position now for a while. She eventually topples over, but it is nice to put her in her crib sitting up with some toys scattered around her. I do that in the mornings when I am getting ready.


• She is on half formula, half breastmilk now. My production plummeted about a month ago, and I am making less than half what I had been. I guess that's okay, but I really want to get her to 9 months before I wean her completely. Plus, formula is really expensive. I can't imagine what it must be like to formula feed exclusively for this long.

Picture Tag

This is a picture from my honeymoon. I take a lot of pictures of myself, because Duane doesn't take a lot of pictures and I am to shy to ask other people. I love this picture, because it was a rare occasion where my curly hair cooperated with me and my teeth were still white from my pre-wedding bleaching. Plus I was skinnier back then. :) Check out the muscle tone.

The rules of a picture tag:

1) Choose the 4th folder where you store your pictures on your computer.

2) Select the 4th picture in the folder.

3) Explain the picture.

4) Tag 4 people to do the same. NO CHEATING! (cropping, editing, etc!)

I tag Duane, Jessica, Allison and Abbo.

The Difference a Year Makes

I was thinking about my New Year's Resolution the other day, and it made me reflect back over the course my life has taken this year. I went from being an expectant mother to a mother. My whole attitude about life changed. Instead of everything being about me, and how I wanted things to go in my life, I started thinking about our family, our life, and my daughter's happiness and well-being. Not only that, I have gained a deep appreciation for how precious life is.

It hasn't been easy. Those first few weeks at home from the hospital, I was convinced I had the most difficult baby ever born. I was tired, sore, and couldn't get her to sleep at night or on her back. It wasn't the glamorous coming home they broadcast on TV and in the movies. After some painful complications during delivery, I felt like I had been torn inside out, and then they make me almost solely responsible for this little 7.5-pound human. Wait, WHAT?!?

I couldn't just pick up and go to the store anymore. Heck, I couldn't even take a shower or go to the bathroom on a whim. I felt like I was under house arrest. I was constantly afraid to go anywhere with Rachel because if she woke up, she would probably cry or fuss or want to be fed when I had nowhere to feed her. Not to mention if I did manage to get out, I felt like something out of Night of the Living Dead. I watched Duane somewhat settle into a normal life again, and I was amazingly envious. I was either feeding, changing, or comforting the baby...and possibly sleeping while she slept or attending to the tatters I called my home.

But I cherished the time I had with my daughter. With every day, I felt like I was becoming more of a mother and less of a shocked individual wondering where her freedom went. As Rachel got older, I got to be more of an adult. Going back to work also helped. I felt like I had a place to be me again, as hard as it was to leave Rachel in the beginning. Once I could bear to talk about her, I was able to share pictures with people and feel more like a proud mommy.

And now I can run errands and just take Rachel with me. I have found that people are far more understanding about a crying baby than I give them credit for, and I have the timing down pretty well so that she rarely starts to fuss until we are standing in line getting ready to pay.

But I would say the biggest change in my life this year has been my appreciation for it. I will watch a television show where the bad guy dies, and I find myself welling up with tears, wondering what his mommy would think about her baby boy dying all alone. At first, I thought it was my hormones, but 6 months out, I am still an emotional mess when I see someone die on TV, in a movie, or in real life. I think it is because I was there when a life started. I went through the 10-month progression from making a baby, to worrying about keeping something the size of a grape safe, to becoming a walking incubator for this little being who kicked and turned and wriggled inside me, to caring for this precious child who looks so much like me that sometimes I forget we are two different people.

After going through something like that, I guess it's just natural to look at all life as precious. Everyone had a mom and a dad at some point, and maybe they are out there wondering about their child's safety the way I worry constantly about Rachel's.

So even though my New Year's resolution is actually to finish losing this last 6 pounds of baby weight, I feel like I have already really accomplished a lot in the last year. But I am sure plenty more life lessons will follow, so keep reading.